Politically incorrect soccer link of the day

I’m trying to be open-minded and cosmopolitan about the World Cup.  This hilarious and wildly offensive post from The Other McCain makes my attempt very difficult.  Some snips:

… In an American context, avid soccer fandom is almost exclusively located among two groups of people (a) foreigners — God bless ‘em — and (b) pretentious yuppie snobs.

Which is to say, conservatives don’t hate soccer because we hate brown people. We hate soccer because we hate liberals.

American liberals love soccer not merely because it allows them to engage in displays of their imagined superiority — “Look at me! I’m a sophisticated cosmopolitan!” — but also because it’s usually the only sport they’ve ever actually played.

… Soccer is a great sport for sheltered wienie kids, so long as they are in a league where all the other kids are sheltered wienies, too — as is the case in the vanilla cul-de-sac suburban cocoon community where these kids grow up. Why? Because youth soccer requires no athletic ability.

… Go watch 7- or 8-year-olds play youth-league soccer somewhere in an upscale American suburb and what do you see? Twenty dorky white kids running around willy-nilly while the two kids with anything approaching genuine athletic aptitude score all the goals.

In America, if you’re too clumsy for baseball, too short for basketball and too weak for football, soccer is your game.

OK, I’m surpassing Fair Use limits and have to stop.

9 thoughts on “Politically incorrect soccer link of the day

  1. I love watching soccer, but I’ve never played (well, nothing beyond the forced marches in elementary gym classes). My kids also do not play soccer. I grew up watching hockey, though, which has the same pace and strategy as soccer, just on a much smaller and very slippery field. Still love watching hockey, too, which also often has those 1-1 games that seem so lackluster on paper, but hockey is only on TV some of the time.

    So, I guess I fall into a rare 3rd category that just enjoys watching the plays unfold and collapse and reform almost out of nothing … in both soccer and hockey. When those rare goals are scored, they really do mean something, unlike the ridiculousness of the NBA where someone scores pretty much every 10-20 seconds … yawn!

  2. Ok, not that anyone cares, but this seems to be the proper rank order of the major sports in my world (in terms of watching):

    baseball,
    rugby,
    hockey,
    football,
    basketball,
    women’s tennis,
    lacrosse,
    wrestling,
    men’s tennis,
    Rocks, Papers, Scissors
    Soccer

    1. Given that you are such a seasoned world traveller, I would have thought you’d be more hip on soccer.

      Baseball was my first love as a kid, but my interest has waned severely. Being at a nice ball park with good friends is something I enjoy, but it just can’t keep my interest any more when my time is scarce.

      1. I like a lot of the things that go along with soccer, but I’m judging this based on the quality of the game itself. One of the most important problems for soccer is that it is played with one’s feet and head – not the most dextrous parts of the human body. Games played with the hands are much more interesting given the variety of things one can do with a ball with your hands.

        BTW, I do enjoy playing soccer – but not as much as playing basketball or baseball/softball. Unfortunately, I’m pretty bad relative to my peers at everything but baseball.

    2. Also, I would say that there are five things a sport can require of a participant, to varying degrees: strength, athleticism, specialized skill, teamwork, and intellect.

      Most sports played at the elite level require all five of these, but any reasonable index combing all five would place one sport clearly ahead of all others: American football.

      And for all those people who think hitting a baseball in major in the major leagues is the highest attainable skill, I’d like them to return a 150 mph Andy Roddick serve.

      1. To your last point, this is mostly a function of technology — so give a pitcher a bionic arm and he’ll throw it 150 mph. And give me a huge enough racket head with a large sweet spot and I’ll return it. The balance between offense and defense in men’s tennis is out of whack b/c of technology (and a litte bit from increased player strength), hence its declining return as a fan. But I still think hitting a baseball is harder — and I have the empirics to prove it: the percentage of ball’s successfully hit in baseball is far lower than the percentage of serves returned in tennis.

  3. And for all those people who think hitting a baseball in major in the major leagues is the highest attainable skill,

    I never agreed with that, but also disagree with service return. In both cases, you miss or get a bruise and that’s as bad as it gets. The hardest thing in sports is tackling Adrian Peterson (or, for Grover, Eric Fry). That guy is all elbows, hips and shoulders and can permanently disable you. Anyone who has played tackle with NCAA level talent knows what I’m talking about and is feeling for those sore spots.

  4. Oh, and many love soccer without fitting in those categories, but we’re enjoying it too much to worry about proselytizing.

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